I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
