Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
