I feel like I'm in dance class right now
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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