I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
