Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize