life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
So vagazzling was a success
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Drunk is a universal language darling
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