Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
