you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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