Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
