But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Randomize
