Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
