I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Randomize
