i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
The power of my boobs compel you
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
