My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
