his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
