Ambien. No doubt about it.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
