I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
