Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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