im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
