I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
