I can tuck mytits in my pants
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Someone shattered a urinal.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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