Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
