just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
All I want is dick and wine.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
where are my eyebrows?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
