i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
