fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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