I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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