at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I got her a Nickelback box set.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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