i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Why is there bacon in the couch?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
