Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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