I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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