So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
