oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
