so explain again why im purple
no
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
