You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize