What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
