If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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