So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize