Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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