that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize