this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Randomize
