if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize