apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Did you pee in the oven last night??
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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