dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
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