We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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