I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
someone owes me an orgasm
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
