Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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