Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
But theres a keg here and me gusta
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
