There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
