No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
