ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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