Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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