Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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