did you get engaged???
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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