Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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