I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
NoShamevember. You game?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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