mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
