I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
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