I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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