Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
