Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
