aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
