he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
