apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
