just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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