Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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