I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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