I like to think it a success when the cops are called
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
this is an emotional support booty call
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
